LOVE REGRETS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS: EPISODE 2.
London held more than ten million people, judging pro rata, the population should be fifty- fifty gender wise. That means half the population should be male and the other female. That makes it that, there is a woman for every man. Yet in this most populous city my heart was so lonely I could not express how. I had lost my first love when I had decided to come to London for a better life. My life now was full of regrets. My nights were so lonely and were filled with torment. I dreamt of Olga every night, the dreams made the burden of loosing her more than I could bear. She was far away I could not reach her now. It could be that I was getting too concern that was why the dreams were haunting me, or may be it was old age that was closing in on me. I knew I should have been settled down now with a beautiful wife and a child or two but all that was a wishful thinking now.
An unspoken love proposal had robbed me of my joy and happiness for the rest of my life. At thirty-six, I still cherish the memories and feelings I had towards Olga, my school mate, twenty years ago. It was sort of love at first sight. When Olga’s family relocated in to our village, she started the school year with us. Accidentally or co-incidentally she was made to share my desk. Since then, we became like brother and sister. We were young and not bold enough to tell each other how we felt about each other, we did everything just as lovers do. We shared or food, visited each other over the weekends. Olga was always there for me. We played and laughed just like babies and we were just babies. Everything about Olga was serene and beautiful. I could not tell if that was love for I was just a young lad but today I did realise it was love. It became common knowledge that we were in love whilst none of us was bold enough to voice his or her feelings towards each other.
After the secondary education, I moved to London to find work. Everything did not go the way I had wanted it to be. I have been here for the past sixteen years now. I could not find my feet and, therefore, no love to cherish and to hold. Every now and then my thoughts ran to Olga, my first love. It made my heart ache a lot. I wished by freak of chance I could magically set my eyes on her again. She must be lonesome without me. Oh! My dear, I wonder if she still thought of me. I was stuck in here. There was no way of going home to marry her. I am still very much in love with her. She is still dear to me just as the air I breathe.
“Olga, it is sixteen years since I last saw you, but I still felt the way I felt for you when I first met you. Olga I still love you so dearly. You are still in my dreams. I wished I was old and bold enough to make you understand how I felt about you. In my quiet and lonely nights I only think about you. I wished you could hear me wherever you are.” In the summer of 2003, I returned to my village from London with the hope of making my Olga mine by marrying her. On my arrival I was told the family had left when the economy of the village was broken. No one appeared to know where the family went. If I could afford it, I would search every corner of the Earth to look for Olga.
Sometimes I felt trapped in the past but the memories were so dear to me. No other woman could take the place of her. Most times I blamed myself for the mishap, but I was too young to know that Olga held a brighter future for me. For her sake, I could not approach any woman. I am still hoping one day we shall meet each other and continue our love from where we had left. In fact, I have written so many letters expressing my love for her but there was no address to post the letters to. No postmaster would want to carry my unaddressed letters to my dear.
I knew very well getting married to another woman would only increase my woe and torment as I shall still be trapped in loving Olga and I would find it hard to love my new woman. That would not be fair to her. I do not think it is fair to treat myself this way too. Yet I hope against hope that one day the good Lord will bring home my woman to me.
